Channeling Mark Darcy

I organized the holiday social event for the group of editors at work this week. Rather than the usual Secret Santa, I suggested a cookie exchange, which was agreed on by all parties. I also suggested we wear ugly holiday jumpers—not to be confused with the American jumper, which I hope no adult in their right mind would ever wear. But alas, I am from the South, and I know that Crazy Shit Happens and it often happens in the form of big hair, mom jeans, a line of foundation that runs along the jawbone, and embroidered holiday jumpers. A jumper, in this case, refers to the British term for a sweater, as in Colin Firth in a reindeer jumper! I admit that I was a bit nervous about going to work wearing a piece of clothing that I openly ridicule. I haven't been in an ugly holiday jumper since 1995, when I worked at a gift shop in the Big L and it was totally acceptable and expected that I wear an ugly holiday jumper to get the store's customers in the mood for the season. And now I can't even believe that I just admitted to The Internet that at one point in my life I wore this item of clothing—clothing so hideous that I wouldn't use it as a clean-up rag in the kitchen for fear that the sequins on the jumper would clog the sink drain or scratch the counter tops...if only I had counter tops. But I was born and raised in Davidson County, people. What the hell do you expect?  

Anyway, I showed up to work Monday morning in my ugly holiday jumper, and by 8:06 a.m., someone on my hall stuck their head into my office and said, "This isn't what you usually wear." I am not even kidding. They were that blunt. And I was all, I know, it's not all black and therefore the TAG IS STILL IN THIS M-F'ER so that I can return it to the folks at the Big K-Mart, which, by the way and if you are in need, has a great selection of tacky holiday apparel. So all day long, people commented on the editors and their jumpers, and by the end of the day, word on the street was that everyone thought it was such a great idea, to which I say: I know—IT WAS MINE.

Oh, and for the sake any imitators out there, here were the rules I created for the party:

1. Holiday treats can include cookies, bars, and candies. No cakes, pies, or puddings.
   
2. All treats must be homade. No box mixes, no dough from a tube (although it can taste really good, I know), and for the sake of creativity, no chocolate chip cookies.
   
3. Bring a minimum of 2 dozen treats so that we can share.
   
4. Please provide recipes for treats either via e-mail or on a prepared card.
   
5. Prizes will be given for the following: best presentation, best taste, best in show (looks and taste), and tackiest holiday jumper.
   
6. You should wear your ugly holiday jumper all day while at work. 
   

Rule #6 was actually a replacement. I ran my original rules by another editor who suggested the original #6 was a bit too direct. But in case any of you don't care about, you know, feelings, here it is: And although creativity is encouraged, remember that we all want to enjoy trying all of the holiday treats. Therefore, if your treat recipe reads more like an all-natural laxative, then don’t bring it.

And finally, for those of y'all really interested, here's the ugly jumper. And if you think I look a bit tired, please remember that I wore a holiday jumper all day long, and that is work, people.

 

 

Comments

[Mom]

You can give this lovely jumper to your Mom who needs one to wear to work during the holidays as we are all about tacky holiday attire.