SYTYCD: I Would Like to Shut the Door on Someone's Face

Y’all: What the hell is going on with SYTYCD this season? The top 20 show was great—I will give them that. But then they repeated the top 20 and it was lackluster, and the top 16 last night was yet another sleeper. And I thought surely with Lil’ C on the judging panel that the night would at least provide some type of verbal excitement, but apparently he’s been taking his “elocution to music,” and I’m not sure it’s done anything but increase the number of prepositions he uses, and really, we can only take so much Ring Around the Rosie in speech. It makes me tired.

Not tired, however, was my BFF Cat who was looking like the coolest flapper there ever was on the Boardwalk Empire—not that I’ve seen that show yet, but it’s in the queue and I think there are flappers in it. Or at least hookers who look like flappers.

But I digress.

The evening began with half of our dancers in a Tyce DiOrio group routine. This reminded my friend Michelle of that time Katie Holmes “danced” on the show. Except tonight we had chairs.

Sasha and Alexander began the couple dances with a Dee Caspary contemporary number. Join me now, if you will, in my thought process during this number:

• There is a piano on stage
• Sasha came out of the piano
• Fake piano it seems
• Sasha got back in piano
• HANDS COME OUT OF THE PIANO!!
• Totally creepy
• Shut the lid on the piano, Alexander, and run the hell away. I would have.

And in praising this dance, Lil’ C said some word that sounded like malefolous. Lil’ C: I think I you meant that as a compliment, but if your viewers can’t find the word in Merriam-Webster’s, then IT IS NOT A REAL WORD and IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT TO ANYONE because back in the day, our nation had a President who did this same thing and we all know how that turned out: not good.

Mitchell and Caitlynn teamed with Jean-Marc for a samba. The judges, good lord, could not shut up about this. And then guest celebrity judge Kristin Chenoweth—who, I will add, looks to be in need of sandwiches—went on a rampage about shutting the door (and I initially typed shitting the door, which I think perfectly sums up how I feel about having her as a judge on this show).

Miranda and Robert got a Broadway number by Tyce, and from the second they started dancing, all I could think was WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE FRONT OF YOUR PANTS ROBERT? CALM YOURSELF. Which, luckily, he did by the end of the dance. And I guess as a way of not bringing attention to Robert’s whoo moment there on stage, the judges totally praised this one like it was the Second Coming or something. I mean, it wasn’t bad, but it was far from the statue piece.

Melanie and Marko chose a hip-hop number by Tabitha and Napoleon. First, a word to T&N: Y’all know I love me some side-by-side synchronization—thank you, it was great tonight. This was classic T&N, which means it was more entertaining than all of the other shit we saw. It was also better danced. Second, a word to the Costume Department: That was a stupid skirt if ever I have seen one, and then you put it over pants as if that somehow would ease the wound. It did not. No one ever wants to wear ugly shit like that, so don’t do it to our girl Miranda because she deserves better. Marko also, apparently, felt Miranda had been wronged and was all, I will amend this, dearest Miranda, because he went mouth to mouth on her halfway through the piece, and it sent everyone into a tizzy, which looked something like this: Nigel on Mary; Kristin on Lil’ C; Nigel on Lil’ C. Dear God Please Stop. It was like the devolution of SYTYCD happening right there before our eyes and on one of the two best dances of the night.

Ashley and Chris picked jazz with Sonya. This was very well danced. However, I agree with Nigel: the music was not right for this, and I was unable to connect emotionally to it.

Clarice and Jess danced a fox trot choreographed by Jean-Marc. I just kept thinking Clarice was wearing a giant Maidenform bra with a skirt and some fancy silver netting. I think this was well danced, but I admit that somehow I watched the entire thing without paying attention to any of it.

Ricky and Ryan joined Sonya for an emotional contemporary routine. I really liked this. It was a more subdued side of Sonya than we usually see—her versatility as a choreographer is not always apparent but is very impressive. And Ricky and Ryan had the perfect level of physical and emotional control to make this relatable. Ryan kept her teeth in check, and neither of the dancers was so distraught that it made me reach for a bottle of liquor and spend the rest of the night drowning in my sorrows. Very well done all around. The other in my top two favorite dances of the night.

Jordan and Tadd closed the couple dances with a hip-hop number by Tabitha, Napoleon, and a bed. Jason called this the “Abercrombie & Fitch dance.” This so harks back to the Mia Michaels bed dance with Kherington and Twitch (except with a much lighter tone). The most impressive part: the clothes actually WENT ON, which we rarely see on this show. The judges, of course, loved this, and Kristin started shutting doors again, which compels me to give the following advice to a very small human with a very shrill voice: come up with a new goddamn line; eat a sandwich; lay off the tanning bed; and don’t come back on this show ever again. (You’re welcome, America.)

The night ended with a Dee Caspary contemporary group routine with eight of the dancers. The music was great, and it was a very calming and beautiful end to a show that had way too much yelling and screeching going on compared with the level of dancing presented.

My bottom three picks: Miranda and Robert, Caitlynn and Mitchell, Clarice and Jess.

Comments

[Moncler Rockar]

Love those! I enjoy following your posts on facebook and rss!

[Jennifer]

From Merriam Webster:
Main Entry: mel·lif·lu·ous
Pronunciation: \me-ˈli-flə-wəs, mə-\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English mellyfluous, from Late Latin mellifluus, from Latin mell-, mel honey + fluere to flow; akin to Gothic milith honey, Greek melit-, meli
Date: 15th century
1 : having a smooth rich flow
2 : filled with something (as honey) that sweetens
— mel·lif·lu·ous·ly adverb

I didn't know this word before I saw the show either. It only took a minute of research to find the correct spelling. Lil' C doesn't just make shit up. He is an intelligent man with a wide and impressive vocabulary.
— mel·lif·lu·ous·ness noun