Our nation’s government finally figured out how to get me to watch an address from our leader: air it right before SYTYCD.
Anyway, our guest judge tonight was Debbie Reynolds. She of Singing in the Rain fame and Mother of Princess Leia. At first I was thrilled, and then I realized that she must have been totally tanked because about 10 minutes in, I wanted them to take Ms. Reynolds back to where they found her: the retirement center. And yes, that sounded mean, but the truth isn’t always pretty, and neither was most of the dancing tonight. I was left flat out disappointed. Let me explain why in case you, on the other hand, thought it was the best the show has ever offered (and if you did, you must have been lit too).
Ryan and Ricky began the evening with a Mandy Moore routine that was supposed to be filled with sexual tension. Instead, we had a man in a corset and a woman with big bows attached to her high heels. Also, Ryan had way too much going on with her facial expressions, and then she ended up with a rip in her fishnet hose that Jason was convinced was a skin disorder, but considering it’s location, I would have guessed it was a disorder of a different nature, but whatever. Fishnets rip. I know, I have a pair. That is all I can say about this dance.
Caitlynn and Mitchell performed a Stacey Tookey contemporary routine. The TV on which we watched encountered some technical difficulties during this dance, so I can’t give an educated critique, but I surmised the following: Lighting and costumes were good; beautiful dance; the judges loved it.
Missy and Wadi were given a cha-cha routine by Jean-Marc. Wadi’s turns were really weak and you could tell exactly when he remembered his posture, but at least he remembered and tried to adjust accordingly. However, all in all, Wadi was pretty terrible and luckily the judges—meaning Mary and Nigel because Debbie was nothing but hand motions and free invitations to her house at this point—agreed.
Bollywood with Nakul, Nick, and Iveta. I’ll say this: The Old Gal was bustin’ a move. I hope I can move that well when I’m 70. Regardless, will any Bollywood ever be as good as Katee and Joshua? No. But these two mismatched souls did okay.
Robert and Miranda with a T&N hip-hop routine about woodpeckers. That preface in and of itself didn’t give me much hope going into this. HOWEVER, this was my favorite dance of the night by far. The choreography was great, and I was surprised to see how good Miranda was. Girlfriend was buck.
Then we had a Stacey Tookey number for Clarice and Jess. Y’all, this took cheesy to a whole new level: an ode to Kate Middleton and Prince William. Boring. Clarice and Jess are no Kate and William, but please do try this again if Harry gets married because we know that will be all hip-hop and swagger and bow down mofos, and the Ladies of the World will enjoy the hell out of it and need to fan themselves afterward. (Or at least that it what should happen.)
Jordan and Tadd performed a Viennese waltz by Jean-Marc. I kept watching Tadd because it was amazing to see him excel so wonderfully outside of his genre. All around, this was just a beautiful number to watch—definitely the surprise performance of the evening for me.
Marko and Melanie danced a jazz piece by Mandy Moore. This was enjoyable but nothing special. What we all will remember is Marko dropping his hat, but he handled that well enough. What I will say about these two dancers is that I think Marko’s pretty wonderful, and I wish I had Miranda’s thighs.
Alexander and Sasha were given a T&N sensitive piece: a soldier returning home from Afghanistan. Alexander, god bless him, was too fluid. Sasha did a great job, but at the end of the day, this was standard T&N in my book. However, the judges were quite moved by the storytelling. Debbie cried. Mary cried and because of her tears, we got a look at her real skin tone. So much paler than I would have imagined. But let me be honest: if Alexander hadn’t been in a military uniform in this routine, he could have been coming home from anywhere—you know, EVEN FROM JAIL.
Speaking of jail, Ashley and Chris were given a Spencer Liff Broadway routine. The jail bars were not very sturdy and that’s all I remember from this dance.
I would predict a bottom three, but why bother, when it would be easier to predict a bottom seven tonight. Here’s hoping once we have this group whittled down to 16 next week that the dancing will either make my foot tap on the floor or make my heart skip a beat.
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