First of all, a huge thank you to Kate and Melissa, our Guest Chroniclers from last week!! They outdid themselves. Our dream now is to figure out a way to watch the finale together and then we could post the greatest SYTYCD recap ever. But alas, there are many miles between Durham and Charlottesville for a weekday and it may never happen. Nonetheless, I keep hope alive for teleportation (as well as a chance encounter with aliens).
So back to this week: Neil Patrick Harris was our lone guest judge. Producers, I thank you. This is exactly what America needs when it comes to guest judges: intelligence and eloquence.
Tonight, our top 10 dancers performed twice: once as a solo and once paired with an all-star. Marko started the evening off with Chelsie Hightower in a Jason Gilkinson samba. Dear lord, this was a terrible song, and it was credited to Kate Hudson. Do they mean Kate Hudson the actress? Well if so, girlfriend needs to stick with acting even if she does play the same character all of the time. It's a strategy that works well for Julia Roberts, so why not Kate Hudson? Anyway, the lifts in this piece were really nice, and Marko did an excellent job. I was glad to hear Mary praise his technical abilities as well. But what was going on with Chelsie from the neck up? She’s looking a bit weathered in a Playboy bunny sort of way. Chelsie: I implore you to take some advice from one of my favorite Hollywood icons, that would be Cher of course, and strive to turn back time before it is too late.
Jordan and Brandon—the lucky dogs—were given a Desmond Richardson and Dwight Rhoden contemporary routine. Personally, I’m glad to see Brandon, The Lord of the Manties, again. I always enjoyed him as a dancer, and apparently so did Desmond and Dwight because this choreography was perfect for him. I mean, that double aerial into a side split…speechless! In fact, this was basically the Brandon Shirtless Show accompanied by periodic viewings of Jordan’s crotch. But regardless, it was really beautiful, and exactly what we expect from Desmond and Dwight.
Tadd was paired with Comfort for a hip-hop routine by Chuck Mac-something-or-another (sorry, dude, I completely missed your name). Although this was real hip-hop compared with all the lyrical stuff we usually see, it didn’t compel me in the least. And the song was irritating and distracting. No one needs to ever talk that fast or dance to music in which someone talks that fast. Nevertheless, Tadd did a great job. In fact, Nigel said Tadd out-danced Comfort. LIKE THAT IS REALLY HARD TO DO.
Mitchell was paired with some chick named Melodie from season 1, which means that I don’t know her because I didn’t know this show existed back then and therefore I have no emotional connection with her. Sadly to say, no connection was made tonight because Tyce DiOrio choreographed the worst Broadway I have ever seen from him. The music was atrocious. The movements were boring. Neil Patrick Harris didn’t like at all and made that very clear, and I commend him for that because it takes balls to basically tell Tyce DiOrio that you can’t shit this stuff out and think we are not going to notice.
And then the Women of the World had to pour themselves a cold glass of water because Caitlynn, lucky gal, scored Pasha and an Argentine tango on her first all-star outing. Y’all: this is how smoldering is done. Slowly, confidently, and with a Russian ballroom dancer at your side. This was Argentine tango at its best.
Sasha and Twitch, another all-star favorite of mine, got a Christopher Scott hip-hop routine. This was accompanied by a slow song, but no matter—with the right choreography and dancers, hip-hop moves can be paired with any type of music. In fact, this was good hip-hop. I totally loved it, and so did the judges.
Jess and Kathryn were given a contemporary routine by Stacey Tookey. The choreography was beautiful, and Kathryn was great, but I would have loved to have seen this danced by another guy, someone like Ade or Joshua, because Kathryn totally outshined Jess. Granted, the judges felt it was Jess’s best work to date, and I must agree with that point, but I still don’t like him at all.
Melanie and PASHA AGAIN! danced a Viennese waltz by Jason Gilkinson. Male Contestants of SYTYCD: This is how shirtless should be done, so take notes and if you can’t do shirtless this way, then keep your shirt on, fools. Anyway, Melanie must have enjoyed the shit out of that. I mean, I would have. It was beautiful and flowing; it had Pasha; and Melanie is the best female dancer I have seen since Katee Shean graced the stage.
So Tyce was able to redeem himself with a jazz number performed by Ricky and Allison. The theme was about a bad dream, which I failed to get, but whatever. It was superbly danced, especially that lift where Ricky grabbed Allison by the leg and pulled her up. I didn’t expect that. I also didn’t expect Ricky to be wearing some type of red cloth scraps on his ass. As my grandmother would say: I could have done without that.
Clarice and Robert ended the couple’s dances with a Nakul Bollywood number. And could there be a better male choice for Bollywood than Robert, particularly when he is dressed in shiny purple pants? Never. You could tell he loved it. And Clarice brought it too, and I applaud her for that.
Solos can be absolutely boring; I hate to waste time on them. But here’s a brief recap in case you really want to know my thoughts on our top 10:
- Sasha: A lot of writhing on the floor. Also, such a big shirt made me wonder where her pants were.
- Jess: Who is voting for this tiny little man?
- Melanie: That was the best solo I’ve seen all season.
- Ricky: We’ve seen this solo before. Many times before.
- Clarice: She had tulle attached to one of her hips. Dear God why?
- Mitchell: White shorts and no shirt should be filed under Don’t Even, I Wouldn’t. And then one leg was bunched up and the shorts looked like a diaper. Really, if you are going to go shirtless, just man up, wear some Manties, and put it all out there.
- Jordan: We were guessing the number of crotch shots she would show and went with 5, but she disappointed us with only 2.5.
- Tadd: B-boys are always fairly entertaining.
- Caitlynn: Hip tulle AGAIN??
- Marko. Dude, don’t dance to a Gavin de Graw song. Ever. Again.
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