I just want to let the The World know that today I won the shit out of the Halloween Costume Contest at work. Behold:
That’s right. I am wearing red lipstick and balancing 10 pounds of REAL EFFIN’ FRUIT on my head, so drink it in, bitches.
The following thanks must be given for this achievement:
- To my sister Katharine for her years of dancing.
- To my mother for keeping my sister’s dance costumes after all these years. I tried really hard to squeeze myself into the Snow Queen outfit, but there are some things folks at work should never see and one of those is my ass hanging out of a tutu last worn by a 17-year-old.
- Again to my sister Katharine for leaving all those great Mardi Gras beads at home. The ones with the shrimp were the epitome of class.
- To Carmen Miranda, may she rest in peace.
- And finally, to Jason for constructing my fruit turban the night before. He was very patient with me even though he said it was a most miserable undertaking.
Miserable as it may have been for him, this may now be the greatest accomplishment of my professional career. Ever.
